I’m Not Feelin’ It

Three years ago I wrote a blog called Bumps in the Road. You know bumps. Those times that all couples face on occasion (some more than others). I talked about how for me, those bumps sometimes felt overwhelming, like impassible mountains, the type that would derail us – our marriage – completely.

At the end of every December I find myself pondering the new year and what goals I would like to work on. But today, I keep coming to a standstill. Is it redundant to say I’m lacking motivation to get motivated for a brand new year, for a new chapter? I keep coming up empty. I somewhat blame it on not being organized, for not sticking to routines, for not writing. What do you think your doing now, Jo??

Oh and I did force myself to write down my WANTS a few days ago.  And not two seconds later there was that voice, you must not want it that much since you have zero motivation. I mean it is fairly easy to put pen to paper to write out a list. It’s the execution part that sucks. Oh, and there it is…my motto screaming back at me #dothework.

I realize there is much more going on. Its not just the new year and trying to figure out what I want for 2018. The entire holiday season has consisted of ‘I’m not feelin’ it’ vibes.  Being a full-time student has a lot to do with this. Its really hard turning off my student brain in order to process and organize all that comes with the holidays; lists, gifts (remembering gift receipts – every dang time I forget), parties, travel, food, drinks, you get the point.  Oh and I can’t forget the business that is always running in the background.

But on top of all of that, there has been so much heaviness that has hit fairly close to home. House fires, tragic accidents, death, breakups, illness and turmoil. All of it has made my heart just plain ache.

And then, its these moments that I am reminded that I GET to be stuck. I get to ponder and think and feel. More importantly, I GET to FORGIVE myself.  Forgive myself for putting so much stress on this NEED to be organized and have 2018 all mapped out. This feeling that if I don’t start off my year properly, like making the bed as soon as you get up (which I highly recommend by the way), it’s going to go poorly.

I set intentions most every day and follow routines and practice good health for my mind, body, and soul – not every single day, but most. Sure there is more I could be doing, but there is also less I could be doing. There is always room for improvement. I think this is precisely what I need to focus on the most.  To remember to FORGIVE MYSELF.  The more I am able to forgive ME, I am quite certain the more all of my wants and intentions won’t be forced into action based on need but instead will just naturally fall into place.

Three years ago I wrote about forgiveness within our marriages and relationships, today I write about forgiveness within our SELF. I’d say that’s a nice improvement:-)

And about those bumps in the road. They’re there for a reason. They are there to determine just how much we WANT to find solutions and improvements. Just how much we WANT to #dothework to overcome and be #betternow.

So I guess I can say 2018 is off to a decent start after all.

May you be encouraged to forgive and may your 2018 be filled with much joy and intentional love for your SELF!

Giant hugs,

Amy Jo

I inspire hope bringing families together! Blissfully married to @rhawkins18 & immensely proud mom three young adult children. Loves writing, laughing, dancing, crossfit, photography & hats!

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