So this morning I came across a note I wrote in my journal earlier in 2014 that I wanted to share with you.
With the new year comes much reflection. I wrote a post a couple days ago about how wonderful 2014 had been for our family and me. And, finding this note during my attempt to establish a new mantra and love (do the work – i.e., cleaning – because it brings the greatest rewards), just confirmed how much we heave grown and achieved this past year and all that I look forward to in 2015.
Here’s a little background.
About a month prior to writing the note, Rick and I had come upon one of those bumps in the road just like all married couples do. I’ll be honest, most often when we came to a bump in the road, my emotions made them feel at times more like an impassible mountain. While that wasn’t a new thing for us; we’d learned how to deal with and work through many bumps for years, but with this one I had found myself wanting to maintain old ways of over-analyzing, playing victim and withdrawing from Rick; it was bigger than an impassible mountain in my mind.
Here’s what I wrote:
“Day to forgive and grow. No more energy spent on bad memories and angry notions. It’s time to move forward and live with my purpose and goals. I deserve great… all the best the world has to offer. I’m gonna see it happen. Rick is struggling still but he’ll get through it. He needs to know that I’m here and always will be; there’s no leaving – ever. He needs me and I need him. There’s no us separate. We are indefinitely one. Anger is something I will reserve for my enemies or better yet, the gym or trail.”
When I read this during my de-cluttering efforts, I was immediately brought back to that bump in the road (it was a bump and not an impassible mountain) and all the emotions that came with it. And, then I smiled. A bit of pride filled my heart as I acknowledged that every bit of what I wrote down had happened. Most importantly, Rick has supported me and been right by my side as I’ve sought out so many new endeavors and challenges. Isn’t that funny how that happens? While Rick struggled, I told him that I wasn’t going anywhere and that I never would as I chose forgiveness. He in turn was the pillar I needed to stay afloat and courageous enough to be where we are at this very moment.
I’m certain we will have other bumps to get over in the years to come, but our commitment to handle everything together head on will make the bumps seem like nothing more than little blips. Forgiveness equals compassion and deeper intimacy. This I know and understand now more than ever.
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their money; If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.
As I promised a couple days ago, I want to encourage you… to make a decision to forgive and grow and then see it happen. You deserve great and all the best the world has to offer.